It's Hard Being a Greaser
by Eyes of Brown
Summary: This starts out before the book and follows throughout in Johnny's POV up till the point when he dies.
1. Getting Jumped Changes Everything

**A/N: this is my first Outsiders fic. hope you enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I own no one. if i did, life would be grand... **

My life was never easy. And I never tried to pretend it was. I had learned early in life how to hide fear from people. People have to really know me to be able to see fear in my eyes. I never remember being truly happy. It's hard to be happy when your father abuses you physically and your mother abuses you verbally. It's hard to be happy when society looks down on you because you live on the "rough" side of town. It's hard to be happy when you're a greaser. Well, don't give me that "pity the victim of the environment" crap. I don't want that and I don't want charity. The few things I want out of life are the things I can't have.

I kept trying to put out the memories from that night. But it never worked. Every time I close my eyes, I see that Mustang and a hand with what seemed like a million rings on it.

I remember everything so vividly, as if it happened yesterday. It all started with a stray football. I'd gone to look for the football in the vacant lot when this blue Mustang pulled up. Four Socs got out, one of which was wearing a lot of rings.

"Hey, grease," the one with the rings said as they climbed out of the car. I didn't try to run. There were four of them dressed in madras shirts and one of me. I didn't even have a switch or anything. They surrounded me; the smell of beer thick on their breath as they took turns yelling insults and threats at me.

"Time to take out the trash, boys," the dark-haired one said. Then to me he said "We're gonna rid the town of trash like you." I had nothing to say. Not that there is much to say while waiting to get jumped. So I spat at them. Then they jumped on me and began to hit me. I don't remember how long they hit me before I passed out or even if they kept hitting me afterwards. All I remember are those rings. And I remember waking up to Sodapop looking over me.

"Johnny?" Soda said. I felt him shake me a little. "Hey, Johnnycake." I couldn't open my eyes but I called his name softly.

"Soda?"

"Yeah, it's me," Sodapop said. "Don't talk. You're gonna be ok." But I ignored him and told him the story. Then I tried to swear but ended up crying instead. I fought to control myself but couldn't. I just cried harder.

"It's ok, Johnnycake, they're gone now. It's ok." The tears stung the places the rings had cut me.

I didn't go home for a long time after that. I was a nervous wreck. I was jumpy and suspicious. I never walked alone and I carried a six-inch switchblade in my back pocket. I felt like I had changed completely. On the outside, I still looked the same, long, shaggy black hair, black eyes and dark, tanned skin. The only thing that changed about my appearance was the scar, my token of what happened that night. I had to take sleeping pills to get to sleep at night because as soon as I closed my eyes, I'd see a fist with all those rings. But that didn't stop the nightmares about a blue Mustang and a group of angry Socs.

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**So, what did you think? I'm open to any and all suggestions.**

**thanks in advance for reviewing. **

**EOB**


	2. A Day in the Life of a Greaser

**A/N: Hey. it's me again. thanks to the one person who reviewed. (names elude me) i'm glad you enjoyed. so, as you asked, here's the next chapter! Enjoy!**

We could hear Ponyboy's screams from where we were in the vacant lot. The five of us took off running towards the sound. We'd all been hanging out in the vacant lot. Pony was fourteen and he'd gone off somewhere by himself. I knew he'd never hear the end of it from Darry. When the gang showed up, the Socs went crazy trying to get away. Not one of them wanted to be the one to get beat up by Darry's rock-solid fists.

The four of us left Darry and Sodapop to tend to their little brother while we chased the Socs to their cars and threw rocks at them. They had driven off scared and now, we came back to the three Curtis boys sitting on the ground. I could tell Ponyboy was crying, though he tried not to show it. He now wiped his eyes and looked up at the four of us.

We were a pretty mild group compared to some of the other gangs around. The toughest of us all was Dallas. He'd grown up in New York. He had wild blond hair that he rarely bothered to get cut. But I guess that's normal for most of the guys in our neighborhood. Steve works at the DX station with Soda. He has thick greasy hair he keeps combed in complicated swirls. Two-Bit is the oldest, besides Darry. He's still a junior at eighteen and for some reason, he enjoys school. Two-Bit couldn't stop making jokes to save his life. He's the one who makes being a greaser fun. The Curtis brothers live on their own. Their parents died a few months ago in a car wreck. They seem like they get along great. There are times I wish my parents were dead...Our group didn't get into many rumbles. And when we did, it was usually a grudge fight. But we stuck together. If one of us went down, the rest went with him.

"They didn't hurt you too bad, did they?" Darry was asking Ponyboy.

"I'm ok." I could tell he wasn't ok. He was shaking, although he had regained some of his color. He had a cut that was spilling crimson blood down the side of his head. Sodapop, being the Sodapop that he is, pointed this out to Ponyboy. Pony just gave him a blank stare. As Soda showed Pony the handkerchief reddened with his own blood, his eyes grew wide. They must have pulled a blade on him.

"What were you doin' walkin' by your lonesome?" Steve asked.

"I was comin' home from the movies. I didn't think..."

"You don't ever think," Darry broke in. the two of them went off into this little argument. And, as always, Sodapop stood up for him. I think it's a middle child thing. I think kids in the middle are the peacemakers.

"Speakin' of movies..." Dally said. Somehow, Pony and I ended up offering to go with Dally to the Nightly Double the next night. Ponyboy volunteered us. I wasn't going to say anything.

I didn't want to go home. I was sick of the yelling and the fighting. But I couldn't keep imposing on the Curtis'. They'd been great. But I went home.

I stood outside my house. Light poured from the windows and illuminated what little lawn we had. I could hear my mom's high-pitched voice as she argued with my dad. It was a sound that was all too familiar. I walked in and the shouting ceased for a moment as my mother looked at me with her big black eyes. She stared for a moment and then continued to argue with my dad. I left and went to my bedroom. At one point in time, it had been decorated with posters of my favorite baseball teams. But my dad had ripped them down in an angry fury one night when he was drunk and beating me up. I never replaced them. Now the walls were baron and screamed for attention. The lighting was dim and my room looked more like a jail cell than a bedroom. But it was mine. I lay down on my cot and closed my eyes. Tomorrow would be better...

**A/N: Hi. did you enjoy? please please PLEASE review. i'm in desperate need for ideas. i'm open to any and all suggestions. if you review, you get a pet monkey!**


	3. Not Like Everyone Else

**A/N: Hey. me again. i'm sorry about the mess up before. this is the real chapter 3. thanks to whomever it was that pointed this out to me. (i never can remember names) any way... here is... drumm roll please... chapter 3!**

I was sitting in pitch-blackness. I couldn't see anything at all. I reached out only to find nothing there. Nothing. Then, a fist, decorated with rings came out of nowhere and punched me. It continued until I was nothing more than a heap on the ground. But then I was rising from my body. I left the body of a teenage boy with shaggy, black hair and tanned skin behind. I was free. There was no more segregation between Soc and greaser. My parents were gone but I wasn't alone. The gang was standing around my body and I watched it all from my place in space. Suddenly everyone was gone. Dally, Darry, Sodapop, Ponyboy, Two-Bit, Steve, everyone. I was really alone. Everyone had abandoned me. Alone...

I sat up in bed. Silver moonlight and cold night air blew into my room from the open window. I was soaked with sweat but I shivered. It was all a dream. I got up and stood by the window. My initial plan was to close the open window, but I just stood there, mesmerized by the moonlight. Before I even knew what I was doing, I climbed out of the window and began walking.

I left my house behind me. It no longer mattered. I passed the Curtis' house. They were better off without me. My feet seemed to have a mind of their own and they took me to the end of the East Side. One more step would take me into Social territory. I stood at the imaginary border, staring at the houses on the West Side. The rich side. I turned to leave. I had nowhere to go so I went to the vacant lot. No one would be out at this hour anyway.

I stayed in the vacant lot and watched the sun come up. Another ordinary sunrise. Nothing about it was special or unique. It was just like all the others. _That's not gonna be me_, I thought. _I'm not gonna be like all the others..._


	4. Aint Nobody talks to Dallas Like that

I opened my eyes to see Ponyboy standing over me. I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Glory, Ponyboy," I said. "Don't do that."

"Sorry Johnny," Pony said. "I was just making sure..." his voice trailed off. I knew what he meant though. He was just making sure I was alive and conscious.

"I'm fine, Pony," I replied, standing up. "Shouldn't you be headin' to school?"

"Shouldn't you?" it was a dumb question and I'm sure Ponyboy knew that.

"I ain't goin' back there," I replied.

"I know," Pony said. He turned to go. When I was his age, I went to school. But when I started failing grades, I just quit going. Now I go every once in a while.

I had the whole day to myself. So I walked to the DX station where Sodapop and Steve worked. Steve wasn't there since he only worked after school but Sodapop was working on a car when I walked in.

"Hey, Soda," I said to the body half immersed under the car. He rolled out from under the Sting Ray and looked up at me, oil covering his face, his hands, and his once wheat-colored hair.

"Hey, Johnnycake," he said. "What brings you to the good ol' DX?"

"I dunno," I replied. "Guess I just don't feel much like goin' to school."

"I know exactly how you feel," Soda said. "You wanna help me with this car?"

"Yeah, sure," I replied. I knew next to nothing about cars but I figured I could hand tools and such to Soda. It was better than hanging in the vacant lot all day. Soda could tell some real wild stories.

"Hand me that screwdriver. Wanna hear about when I beat Shepard in a fight?"

"Sure," I replied, handing him the screwdriver.

"It all began one spring morning..."

I guess we lost track of time because the next time I looked up, a group of Socy girls were standing next to Socy cars and chatting in their high-pitched, Socy voices. _School must be out_, I thought. Socy girls like that don't hang around in the middle of a school day. It was completely obvious that they were checking out Sodapop who was now standing next to the car admiring his handiwork.

Standing next to him, I felt like a lost puppy. He was hardly a year older than me but I felt so much younger. I had never had a girlfriend and Soda was in a real close relationship with this pretty blonde. She was greasy like us, but there was something different about her. She was different from all the other greasy girls. Maybe it was because she, like Ponyboy, was destined to make it far in life.

"Hey, Sodapop," one of the girls said in a giggly voice as she came over. "Who's your friend?"

"This is Johnny. Say hi, Johnny,"

"Hi," I said shyly. I don't even talk to the gang unless I have to. I don't know why Sodapop thought I'd talk to these Socy girls in their Socy cars. "I'm gonna go see if I can find Ponyboy," I said so only Soda could hear.

I left the DX and went to the Curtis house. I stuck my head into the door. Nobody around here bothers to knock. All was silent, so I left. I walked around aimlessly looking for something to occupy my time. And then, I saw it. A tuff looking Sting Ray drove by with a cute looking redhead in it. I stared in awe as she drove past. And when she was gone, I stared blankly at nothing.

"What's up, Johnnycake?" a familiar voice said, breaking me from my trance.

"Hey Dally," I replied, turning to see the blonde tow-headed kid I'd always known.

"You and Pony still comin' to the movie with me?"

"Yeah," I replied.

Pony and me met Dally at the corner of Pickett and Sutton. We were early so we went to the drugstore to cause trouble. Not a lot of trouble. Just enough to make the manager angry. He asked us to leave, but not before Dally got his hands on two packs of Kools. Then we went to the greaser hang out. The Dingo was pretty rough but it was a great place to find out about people. I never got involved in the talk and such or the fighting, for that measure.

Although we had enough money to get into the movie, Dally insisted on doing things the illegal way- the fun way. So we snuck in and sat in front of the concession stand. The only other people were these two cute chicks in front of us. So Dally, being the Dallas Winston that he is, started to talk to them real dirty. Now, I may look up to Dally but that boy has got a mouth on him. And I just didn't like to see girls get cussed at. So I went to buy a coke. It wouldn't have been so bad had those girls been greasy, like us. But it was evident that these were high-class girls. These were Socs.

At the concession stand, I bought a Coke and stood around trying to waste time. I didn't want to hear Dally be dirty to those girls anymore.

I went back and sat next to Ponyboy. Dally was gone. I managed t say hi to the Socy girls. But I was seriously nervous. I don't like to talk to people, strangers especially. Besides which, Pony and the redheaded chick were hitting it off just fine. They were engrossed in some conversation about horse racing.

Eventually, Dally came back with an armful of Cokes. He sat beside the redhead and handed a Coke to each girl.

"This might cool you off," he said. But she took the drink and threw it in his face.

"This might cool _you _off, greaser," she replied, as Dally wiped Coke from his face. I stared in awe at this redheaded girl. _Ain't nobody talks to Dallas Winston like that_, I thought.


	5. The Blue Mustang

**A/N: Hi. Me again. hope you enjoyed the last chappie. if not, i'll hunt you down and... nevermind. thank you to my last reviewers. ya'll inspire me to write more. yes, i am southern. NC baby! anyway... onward!**

"Ok, greasers, you've had it," a booming voice said from behind me. A strong hand clamped down on my shoulder. I could feel the color drain from my face and my heart rate speeding. I closed my eyes. _It's a Soc and they're out to get us because we're sitting with their girls_, I thought. The events of that night in the lot played over in my mind like a bad movie. Ponyboy stared talking. _Why was he rambling on to this Soc?_ I thought. Then I opened my eyes in realization. Two-Bit Matthews and his darned impersonations.

"Hey, Two-Bit," I said weakly.

"Sorry, kid, "he said, tousling my hair. "I forgot." He climbed over the chair and sat down next to the redhead's friend. (Marcia, I think.)

Somehow, Two-Bit and the brunette chick got into this wild conversation about Arabians and shanghaiing people. They both seemed to have that scatter-brained sense of humor. I saw her hand him a slip of paper and he smiled that trademark grin of his.

Ponyboy, the redhead chick (Cherry, I think) and I were watching the movie. Two-Bit offered us cigarettes and Pony and I accepted while the girls turned him down. The cigarette calmed me down and my hand stopped shaking.

"Ponyboy, would you come with me to get some popcorn?" Cherry asked. Pony jumped up eagerly to follow her and Two-Bit gave him some money to buy him something. I reached into my pocket to get some change. I was hungry. I hadn't eaten since... when was the last time I ate?

"Get something for Johnny, too. I'm paying." I think he noticed the look of relief that crossed my face, because he smiled real cool- Two-Bit-like. I sat and watched the movie. Two-Bit and Marcia were engaged in some conversation that made no sense at all. So I sat silently watching the movie.

After the movie was over, Two-Bit persuaded Cherry and Marcia to let him drive them home. So the five of us started heading back to Two-Bit's house. That was when we saw it. I knew what it was but the others were completely oblivious. A blue Mustang pulled up.

**A/N: did ya'll enjoy? you better have! j/k now its your part. review! review!**


	6. Pity the Back Seat

**A/N: Hi. me again. greetings. i know its been a long time but you see, there were these aliens and... anyway... heres the much awaited chapter six!!**

I wanted to crawl under the sidewalk and never come out. But I didn't show it. I kept my cool, though I could feel the color drain from my face. I automatically reached to my back pocket for my switchblade.

"Just act normal," Cherry said. "Maybe they won't see us."

"I'm a natural normal," Tow-Bit said in his Two-Bit like ways. But I was scared and I knew that Ponyboy could tell by the way his green eyes glanced at me.

The Mustang passed us and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"That was close," Marcia said. Then she and Two-Bit continued their conversation as did Pony and Cherry. I was left to my thoughts and I began to remember things in spite of myself. I remembered the day that those Socs jumped me. I remembered the day my dad really lost it and almost put me in the hospital. I remembered all the horrors of my childhood. I think my parents would have forgotten to feed me if I had stopped crying just for one second. And, though I tried not to, I remembered the day Pony's parents had died. We all stood around at the funeral. Pony had cried. So had Sodapop, his usual contagious grin seemed to have been buried along with his parents. But Darry stood there, arms crossed with a troubled look on his face. Even I had cried a little. Their mom had always been nice. She didn't ask questions about my scars like other people. And she was always quick to let me stay over there...

"...I bet he wishes he could stick me in a home somewhere," Pony was saying to Cherry, pulling me from my thoughts. "And he would to if Soda would let him." Two-Bit and I were staring at him now.

"That aint right, Pony," Two-Bit said. "You got it wrong."

"I thought ya'll got along real well," I said softly.

"Well, we don't," he said. "And you can shut your mouth, Johnny Cade 'cause we all know you aint wanted at home either. And you can't blame them." he'd gone too far. That hurt more than anything. I stared at Pony with big black eyes. I wanted to run away and hide somewhere and cry. But I didn't let on. I felt as though I'd been slapped across the face.

Two-Bit slapped Pony.

"You shut your mouth, kid," he said angrily. Then he went into how he'd knock him real good if he weren't Sodapop's kid brother. Then he turned to me.

"He didn't mean it," he said, looking me in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, Johnny," Ponyboy said. "I was just mad." I knew the extent of anger. It was pretty. Anger had given me many a scar.

"It's true," I whispered with what I thought was a bleak grin. "I don't care." I cared more than anything.

I guess we had forgotten that Cherry and Marcia were there. They stood completely silent. Cherry's mouth was pushed into a tight line and her face was pale. I followed her gaze to see the blue Mustang come up slowly.

"I guess they've spotted us," she said. The two boys in the front seat got out and walked over to the girls. They didn't even seem to notice us.

"Cherry, Marcia, listen to us," the one with the dark hair said. I stared at him in horror as memories came rushing back at a startling rate. I absent-mindedly touched the scar on my face as I stared at his hands. He had three rings on. Heavy, metal rings that gleamed in the moonlight.

I watched it all happen. Cherry yelled at one of the Socs. I think his name was Bob. And Marcia gave the other a cold stare.

"And even if you are mad at us, that's no reason to go walking the street with these bums," the Soc said.

"Who you callin' bums?" Two-Bit said, putting his elbow on my shoulder.

"Listen, greasers, we got four more of us in the back seat..." the Soc said.

"Then pity the back seat," Two-Bit said, eyes to the sky.

"You lookin' for a fight?" Two-Bit did his world famous eyebrow cock and made himself look even cooler.

"You mean if I'm looking for a good jumping, you outnumber us so you'll give it to us." He broke the end of an empty bottle and handed it to Ponyboy. Then he and I flipped out our switchblades. "Try it, pal." But Cherry intervened with some comment about how she hated fights. The girls got in the car and we watched as blue Mustang drove off.

**A/N: so... what did you think? ya'll know what to do. Review!!!!!!**

**E.O.B**


	7. Return of the Blue Mustang

**A/N: a thousand apologies for the delay. but i dont know the book as well as the back of my hand yet and i was loaning my book to a friend. so for those of you who have been anticipating it, here's the next chapter of Its Hard Being a Greaser! enjoy!

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We walked home in silence. I knew those Socs. They had beat me up in the vacant lot all those months ago. The memories came flooding back in one giant sweep. I could tell Ponyboy was itching to ask me something. But I'm glad he didn't.

Eventually, Tow-Bit went home, leaving me and Ponyboy to gaze at the stars, stretched out on our backs in the vacant lot. It was cold and I wondered vaguely if Ponyboy was cold in his sweatshirt with the sleeves cut short. The only thing visible besides the stars was the glowing of our cigarettes against the black sky.

"It's because we're greasers," I mumbled, referring to Cherry. "We could have hurt her reputation."

"I reckon," Ponyboy responded.

"Man, that was a tuff car. Mustangs are tuff."

"Big-time Socs."

I suddenly felt the need to talk to Pony about more than tuff cars and big-time Socs.

"I can't take much more," I whispered. "I'll kill myself or something. I wont but it seems like there's gotta be someplace without greasers or Socs. Just plain ordinary people who don't fight or argue just to have something to argue about."

I fell asleep listening to Ponyboy ramble on and on about the country. There were no Socs or greasers there…

I was walking in a field of daisies and green grass. It wasn't dead and yellow; it was so green and full. It was beautiful. I knew in a moment where I was. I was in the country. The rolling hills and swaying trees told me that. Ponyboy was walking toward me, slightly slouching, hands in pockets. I waved at him and he waved as he came closer. He waved back and smiled. He looked a lot like Sodapop when he smiled like that.

"Hey, Ponyboy," I said. But he didn't reply. He just stood there, hands in pockets with that slightly lopsided grin on his face. He was so still. He didn't even blink. Something was seriously wrong. I reached out to touch him and his face began to crack like a mirror hit with a rock. It shattered into thousands of pieces. Then, the scenery began to fall in the same manner. And I fell into a deep, dark hole…

I sat up with a start. It was just a dream.

"Wake up, Ponyboy," I said, shaking the sleeping figure a little.

"Glory, what time is it?" he asked sitting up.

"I don't know. You put me to sleep with your rambling. But you go on home. I think I'm gonna stay out here all night." It wasn't as if my parents would care. Ponyboy got up to leave. _That boy must be freezing_, I thought.

I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep. But I knew that it was no use. So I stared up at the stars, letting my thoughts run away with me. I tried to think of a time when I was really happy, but nothing came to mind. There were times I'd laughed with the gang. But I wasn't truly happy. It was all a mask, a big lie. I was fooling the gang and trying to fool myself. I was fooling everyone. Except maybe Ponyboy.

Speaking of whom. Ponyboy came running back to the lot. He was still in that sweatshirt with the short sleeves.

"Come on, Johnny," he said. "We're running away." I didn't ask questions. I just got up and followed him. We ran until we came to the park. The fountain was going. We sat atop the jungle gym for a while just talking. Actually, Pony was doing most of the talking. And I couldn't believe what he was saying. Darry had hit him! Darryl Curtis, of all people. It would be different had it been Dallas. But Darry was usually pretty calm. We were sitting there on the jungle gym when a car horn's blast made us both jump. A blue Mustang came around the corner…

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**Sorry it was kinda short. but, i felt like this was a good place to stop because its my way of making you want to read more! LOL. so, now that you're hooked, be looking foward to further chapters. im still open to any and all suggestions so you know what to do. review! Review! REVIEW!**

**Eyes os Brown**


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